Class is over

Time to write about non-environmental things:



The other day Amy had Pure Prairie League's "Amy" stuck in her head ("Amy what you wanna do?/I think I could stay with you/ For a while, maybe longer if I do" . . . that song they sang on SNL), and we got to talking about songs with our names in them. I mentioned that the only song I could think of with my name was Michael Jackson's "Ben" - a song I always found a little creepy, since the titular Ben was a rat. On a whim, I decided to google "Ben lyrics" to see if there were any more complimentary Ben songs, and found a disturbing trend. Ordered by popularity:


Result 1: Michael Jackson's rat song

Result 2: The Rapture - "No Sex For Ben"

sample lyric: "no sex for Ben Rama/ Fat trucker, cheap sucker/ No sex, no sex for Ben Rama now/Cheap faker,/Cheap Cheap Faker"

Result 3: "Dear Ben"

sample lyric: I love you, you're perfect,/ A manifestation of my dreams"

Well that's better! . . . Oh wait, it's by Jennifer Lopez, and the "Ben" is Ben Affleck. For the love of Gigli

Result 4: John J. Francis - "Simple Ben"

sample lyric: "I asked if he had seen the great jets fly across the sky/ He said he'd seen the smallest bird learnin' how to fly"

If you're keeping track, I've now been a rat, a fat fake trucker with no game, Ben Affleck, and a mentally retarded old farmer . . .

Result 5: An entire page of lyrics for a band named Anti-Ben
sample song titles: "Ben Forever Excreted (Forever Defeated)," "I, Killer Of Bens!," and "Emo Is For Bens" from the 2003 album "Bloodthirsty Benslayers"

I swear to christ I am not making this shit up. What did I ever do to you, every musician ever?